Not the dragon… but some black bugs

It’s a strange sort of evening in Sheung Wan. My 5th floor room cweaks with arythmic birdsong, yet the traffic is silent. A bluey-pink plastic skye, buildings.

I am alive. I am alive. I am alive.

There is a pressure point somewhere around my sternum. Sharp yet blunt. This is a funny one. It’s like depression without the sadness. Feeling bad without the downness, like a raw itch somewhere in my gut. I rub my stomach and feel like my mind is bouncing back and forth between the walls. Nervous energy and discontent.

Very hard to concentrate when feeling like this. There is lots I want to do and I can’t do it on my own. I need to be with someone – anyone. But I can’t do it with people either. My mind is like a cricket and I’m trying to catch it and slam it to the ground with a jam jar. Pick up the book which fell by my side. If I start reading it, the momentum will drag me on, unstick me… but I don’t.

Inertia feeding badness. Rotten inside. Rottenness feeding inertia. Just lying there and clicking on the internet in the fumes. Not sure what to do.

Then my dad calls, just a few words with him and I find some calm. Its still there, but I’m calmer. Cut through the haze. Connect. Or at least try to.


4 Responses to “Not the dragon… but some black bugs”

  1. Dick Says:

    Keep trying to connect lots of people out here.

    I was worried when I saw your FB planning to vote Tory, something wrong in the thinking department I thought even PR is not worth that trip 🙂

  2. elliepant Says:

    Yeah… though I sortof more mean connecting with the world is difficult, rather than people. Company can cure it pretty quickly, but the trouble is you can’t have company all the time if you’re trying to write a dissertation.

    The tory thing – I think I really would vote for them if it would guarantee proportional representation. I would vote for almost anyone if they would guarantee it, because I think it would completely change our political map. Small parties like the greens would have a greater influence at national level, and people would hopefully feel more engaged and represented by politics, since there would be no need to “tactical vote” etc.

    The thing is, it’s totally hypothetical. Can’t see tories or labour introducing it ever, they have far too much to lose. Even Cameron’s wordy new proposals don’t come close. So it’s empty theorising really. They won’t, and I won’t vote for them.

    *retrospectively edited for word order*

  3. Dick Says:

    As you say hypothetical and even all the stuff that DC is saying now feels very much like what TB said 12 years ago.

    Just had pointed out the worst case of Gerymandering I ever did see go take a look at the Carolina 12th district to see an example of voting boundary adjustment it makes an interesting read.

    I am often on line so feel free to ping me on SKYPE chat or FB if you fancy a chat, I might just learn some stuff 🙂


  4. elliepant Says:

    Wow that Caroline election map is crazy never seen one like it!

    I don’t use fb chat by I like messaging on skype and it would be nice to talk some time 🙂

    I do really miss the UK at times… a long time since I’ve seen people… I was watching the apprentice on youtube and thinking that I miss the weather and ice cream combo. Hong Kong is nice though too, and I know I’ll miss it despereately when I leave. Should be trying to make the most out of it!

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